Suicidal Thoughts
by Bingo the Cat
Summary: "The night I slashed my wrists, I'd downed a bottle of Jack Daniel's and just thought about how alone I am… How there is nobody there to support me…" Silver the Hedgehog – a young writer striving to achieve the best he can. But responses to his more recent stories have left him vulnerable to his suicidal thoughts…


**A/N:** I have nothing to say… nothing, except that I've put myself in Silver's shoes for this story… and that someone on this site has actually driven me to think of – to consider! – suicide.

* * *

At the young age of four, I was already alone in this big, scary world. My parents had died in a car crash; their car had collided with a truck, and the blows to their heads had killed them. I was sent to live with my aunt, but she didn't love me. So I left her house, and lived on the streets for many years – so many years… until…

Until _she_ found me.

She made it all better. She gave me a home, she gave me back my life. She sat me down at her desk in the library one day, and asked me what I liked to do in my free time. I replied with several things – I liked to play videogames, I liked to draw fan art… but most of all, I loved writing. I've always had a passion for creative writing.

So she mentioned some websites for me to join, to show the world where some of the best authors can come from. The first was a fan art website called **DeviantART**. It was nice, but it wasn't as good as some of the others. Another was called **Quizilla**. Odd name…

One of the final ones she mentioned was **FanFiction**, though she told me to be wary of certain people when I joined. I wrote a few stories – one-shots – and watched as the reviews came piling in. It was great! In my eyes, nothing could have been better! I even made a few friends over the Internet – people that I have subsequently met and enjoyed spending time with. I even added Sonic as one of my favourite authors, and he added me. Who knew Sonic liked writing? I sure as hell didn't!

But then the nastiness appeared. And now I know why Blaze told me to be careful. I'd just uploaded a story, about mine and Sonic's imaginary characters in a world of our own creation. And… someone told me it wasn't in the right category. I ignored the person at first, but that niggling thought was always at the back of my mind, that maybe I should ask them what they meant.

So I did so.

And do you know how they responded?

**Ha! How stupid are you?!**

That hurt me, that really did. But, I wasn't sad. No, no… I was angry. Really angry. I sent an angry PM back their way, and blocked them. Then they did the smart thing of commenting through the Guest section. By this time, I was really pissed. I removed their comment from my story, unblocked them, and told them to – quite frankly – fuck off. They told me that they had warned me, and I ignored them again. I uploaded a few more stories. And then the same person commented again. God… now I really was furious. I'd told them in my last PM to them to leave me alone, that they were causing me mental anguish. So I told them again, to leave me alone. Blaze and Sonic were both worried for me – Sonic, because I'd exchanged a few short messages with him, and then when we met up and he asked me what was wrong I just completely broke down crying; and Blaze because of my attitude around the palace, slamming doors, glaring at everyone, and just frankly looking pissed all the time.

Then, I decided to write my own story. My own LIFE story – THIS STORY. How some people can drive others to looking at the worst things in life, not looking at the good things, and not thinking that you can get over things like this. This person, I was sure, was not going to make me change my ways in writing.

One nasty PM later, I made up my mind.

I'd locked myself away in my room, not letting anyone in – certainly not Blaze or Sonic, no matter how hard they pounded on the door and yelled at me to let them in. That night was the night where everything changed for me.

The night I slashed my wrists, I'd downed a bottle of Jack Daniel's and just thought about how alone I am… How there is nobody there to support me… I felt so vulnerable… I remember the blood that stained the carpet, how Sonic finally kicked down the door into my room and ran me to the palace hospital. I was certain it was too late, that they couldn't save me… That I was drowning in my own sorrow and pain, and that no one could bring me back from the darkest corners of my mind…

But they did.

And now, as I sit here, in this hospital bed, with Blaze and Sonic keeping vigil by my bedside (but the latter falling asleep rapidly), I wonder – what did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong, to drive myself to these suicidal thoughts?

Because I've never felt more vulnerable in my entire life…

_"But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along…"_


End file.
